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Which Fitness Trend Is Your Favorite Politician?

Updated: Feb 24

To this point, I have written things exclusively with the aim of helping people in a tangible way to pursue their diet and exercise goals. Everything has a direct, "what can I do" takeaway that will hopefully help them get closer to their goals.


Today, we take a break from self-improvement. This one's just for fun.


Which fitness trend is your favorite politician?



Why?


- The most inflammatory/click-baity name in politics/nutrition; if I say " Donald Trump" or "Keto diet," I will get more clicks (see what I did there?).

- Lots of red meat,

- Lots of sweating.

- Probably bad for your health.

- Appeals to people who have been failed by diet culture/government.

- Makes big promises, but fails to follow through on any of them in any meaningful way.

- Followers will not listen to reason despite him actively harming them.


Result: Incited insurrection/left you constipated. Impeached in the House, but too many people in the Senate enjoy peeing on sticks, so was acquitted. We all wish he'd go away, but will probably be a major force in the fitness/politics for years to come. Uses strong brand identity to take lots of money from followers.




Why?


- Been around forever.

- Has some good ideas.

- Comes from a place of extreme privilege.

- Sticks around despite not creating any real, long-lasting change.


Outcome: Speaker of The House until the ocean floods Congress due to extreme climate change and you wave your arms in the air and say, "but I did Whole 30 FIVE TIMES!"



Why?


- The Conservative's "Whole 30:" boring, ineffective, and has been around forever.

- A gateway to more extreme diets/political ideologies like keto.


Outcome: Will testify that keto is legally allowed and we must acquit, but that he doesn't stand for it.


Why?


- Everyone hates him and yet he just won’t go away.

- Ranges from annoying to dangerous depending on the day.

- Not doing anyone any good and yet somehow still taking people's money.

- Lots of trips to Cancun on social media.

- Boasts about "hot wife."

- Loud and annoying online presence.


Outcome: Will message you untrue things, help to incite an insurrection/give you diarrhea. Should resign.


Why?


- Unbelievably boring.

- Been around forever, yet still works when implemented correctly.

- Liberals/calorie counters will criticize its imprecise nature; keto people/orthorexics will say (inaccurately) that it doesn’t work because certain foods are just bad.


Outcome: mainstay in American politics; beloved by your Grandmother; always a little bit more effective than you remember; President of the United States.


Why?


- Been around for a while but only recently going mainstream.

- Lots of good ideas people are excited to ignore.

- Seen as "not enough" by more liberal diets, but dangerous and scary to people restrictive diets like Keto.

- Pairs well with other, more well-defined fitness plans, but you hope she'll get to a point where she can run the show alone.


Outcome: VP for now, but serious Presidential aspirations.



Why?


- Been around forever.

- Remarkably effective when implemented.

- People try very hard to avoid.

- I think about him/it too much.

- Incredibly memeable.


Outcome: the most-read article on my site, my first published piece of writing, a major liberal movement in American politics, and budget committee chair. Unofficial 5th Opera Man.


Why?


- Better known by acronym than actual names (Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and "If it fits your macros")

- Newer, sexier (ideologically - I'm not objectifying AOC) version of Bernie/calorie counting

- If you like Bernie, you'll likely love her; if you dislike Bernie, you'll fear her even more.

- Straw(wo)man for everything wrong with people who think differently than paleo diet advocates.


Outcome: Hopefully a major force in politics for years to come/an incredibly valuable tool when trying to change your physique.



- Seems sexy if you're into douchey things.

- Has some ideas that make sense, but not enough to outweigh how dangerous he is.

- Built on the back of a racist asshole

Outcome: Should resign for helping insight insurrection and causing lots of unnecessary knee/back injuries.



Why?


- Sent many things in the right direction, but not enough.

- People like Ted Cruz will not like it because they can’t monetize it.

- Repealing what it’s done (e.g. Obamacare/progressive overload) would be disastrous, but failing to move on from it would lead to wheel-spinning and uninsured Daniels.


Outcome: writes a very long book that many will buy and few will read. Hopefully opens door to more comprehensive strength training program.



Why?


- Seemed like he stood for something at first, but less so the longer he's been around.

- Meaning changes depending on what's in vogue/profitable.

- Bends to Trump/Ketogenic diet when politically advantageous, but then changes mind when it no longer suits him (but then is back with it/him again weeks later)


Outcome: Will live on forever as a spineless paragon of whatever he needs to be in order to be re-elected.


Why?


- Super popular with tech bros.

- Ideas have been around for a long time, but you probably only heard about them like a month ago.

- Your broke/out of shape friend won't shut the hell up about insulin sensitivity/UBI.


Outcome: probably future Mayor of NYC and also eating strategy that might work for certain personality types.



Why?


- Long forgotten.

- Such a promising start and then tremendous flameout.


Outcome: my favorite punchline when I play tennis and get overly excited/silly endnote to a silly article on a silly website.

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